Books never written

 

We used to think these up in third grade and the great thing about them is that I still think they're funny now.

1. The Yellow River by I.P. Daily
2. The Numbers Game by Cal Q. Later
3. Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butts
4. Rusty Bed Springs by I.P. Freeley
5. Twenty Yards to the Outhouse by Willie Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont and published by Andy Dint
6. Spots on the Wall by Hugh Flung Poo
7. Falling Off a Cliff by Eileen Dover
8. The Complete Proctologist's Handbook by Ben Dover
9. The Joys of Drinking by Al Coholic
10. My Life with Igor by Frank N. Stein
11. Supporting Athletes by Jacques Strappe
12. Things That Itch by Mike Rotch
13. I Was Prepared by Justin Case
14. Small Treasures in the Toilet Bowl by I.P. Nickels
15. What Makes a Good Thief by Ian Yerhous
16. Waiting in Line for the Bathroom by Ivana Tinkle
17. Practical proctology by Bea Hind
18. The future of robotics by Cy Borg and Anne Droid
19. What to do if you're in a car accident by Rhea Ender
20. How Things Work by Wyatt Dunne
21. Breathing Lessons by Hal E. Tosis
22. Why Should I Walk? by Iona Carr
23. Deep in Debt by Owen A. Lott
24. The Most and the Least by Maxi & Minnie Mum
25. How to Get Good Grades by B.A. Wiseman
26. The Sun by Sol Ar
27. Blazing! by Lotta Heat
28. Computer Memory by Meg A. Byte
29. Gotta Go by C. U. Leiter
30. Can't Go There by Hans Off
31. Card Suits by Di A. Mond
32. Checking Your Homework by R.U. Wright
33. The Membership List by Ross Terr
34. Manwich by "Slop" E. Joe
35. The Giant Clock Tower by Big Ben
36. All About Flowers by Chris Anthymum
37. Short Shorts by Daisy Duke
38. Boy Scout Brigade by Pat Troll
39. The Lost Scout by Werram Eye
40. Late for Work by Dr. Wages
41. Kitty's Revenge by Claude Balls
42. Brown Streaks Across the Desert by Who Flung Dung
43. Ten Years in the Bathtub by Rink Lee Prune
44. Antlers in the Tree Top by Hugh Goostamooce
45. Tiger in the Bathroom by Heidi Ingthe Tub
46. How to Eat Cereal by Poor A. Bowl
47. Smelly Stuff by Anita Bath
48. Being Lonely by Shenita Mann.
49. Technology in the 21st century by Rob Ott
50. A Hitchiker's Guide To Not Getting Killed by Ren Tacar
51. Gotta Go To The Bathroom by Think L. Maket, Illustrated by Betty Went, Published by Doris Laukt
52. Blue Darts by Hugh Gexplo Zhun
53. Bubbles in the Bath by Ivor Windybottom
54. Can't Sit Still by Ivan Auflitch
55. Microsoft Business Practices by Eve Hill
56. I Must Go Again by D. I. Aria
57. Interesting Places Around The World by Ben There & Don That
58. Paris Monuments by I. Phil Taurer
59. Text Editing by E. Max and Vi
60. The Bearded Chinaman by Harry Chin
61. How to Exercise by Eileen and Ben Dover
62. 100 Ways to Diet by I. M. Hungry
63. Getting Fired by Anita Job
64. Crossing a Man with a Duck by Willie Waddle
65. A Sailor's Adventure by Ron A. Ground
66. Green Vegetables by Brock Ali
67. Never Shave Again by Harry Pitts
68. Long Walk Home by Miss. D. Bus
69. Sitting on the Beach by Sandy Baum
70. Window Coverings by Kurt and Rod
71. Wheels in China by Rick Shaw
72. How To Dance by Sheik Yerbouti
73. Something Smells by I. Ben Pharting
74. I.Q. Competitions by Samar T. Pants
75. The Secret of Touching Your Toes by Ben Dover
76. The View of the Skyline by Bill Ding
77. My Life as a Gas Station Attendant by Phil R. Awp
78. What Evita Left Behind by Oliver Shoes
79. Your Private Life Makes National News by Holly Wood
80. Hot Wiring by Nick Carrs & Joy Ryder
81. Easy Money by Robyn Banks
82. The Sedan Chair by Carrie Walker
83. The Science of Optometry by Seymour Clearly
84. The last supper by M. T. Potts.
85. How to Destroy Buildings by Dyna Might
86. Transportation in the Middle Ages by Orson Cart
87. Growing up in the Balkans by Hugo Slavia
88. The Outboard Motor Died by Rhoda Shaw
89. Answering the Questions of the Universe by Howard I. Know
90. How to Write a Mystery Novel by Paige Turner
91. The Great English Breakfast by Chris P. Bacon
92. Vacation Spots in the Tropics by Sandy Beech
93. What Old Cars Have by Rust E. Paint
94. Torn Fingernails by I. Bightem
95. The Great Missile Barrage, by Lonch M. Awl
96. Tight Situation by Leah Tard
97. Crack in the Sidewalk by Bobby Tript
98. The Old Bell Tower by Rusty Bell
99. Meeting in France by Ron DeVous
100. A Trip to the Dentist by Lord Howard Hurts
101. Dentist Appointment by Too Thurtee
102. So Thirsty by Phillip A. Jug
103. Carnival Rides by Ivana Herl
104. Swimming in the Ocean by C. Lyons
105. Walking Tall by G. Raffe
106. Never Forget by L. E. Phunt
107. Uninteresting Tales by I. M. Yawning
108. All About Fences by Barb Dwyer
109. In the Men's Room by R. U. Dunn
110. Big Waves by Sue Nami
111. Out the Window by Hugo Furst
112. Yellow Spots on the Rug by G.I.P.
113. Knocked in the Head by I. C. Starrs
114. Yellow Sky by Pierre
115. The First Thanksgiving by Ima Pilgrim
116. Where's Grandma's Purse by Robin Nana
117. I'm Not Sober by Ivan Drinkon
118. Saving Peaches by Mason Jar
119. Looking Out Windows by Seymour Treese
120. Full Bladder by Betty Wiz
121. Lullaby by Sarah Nade
122. Where's My Stuff by I. Ben Robbed
123. Falling Down by Ima Drunk
124. Working With Plumbers by Seymour Crack
125. Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Kamel
126. I Wrote a Book by Talmee Moar
127. Talking to Dentists by Phil McCavity
128. Car Rental by Naomo R. Woking
129. Not Going To Do It by Ida Wanna
130. Complete Guide to Prenatal Care by I. M. Leight
131. I Know What You're Thinking by Clair Voyant
132. Over the Cliff by Hugo Furst
133. Overpopulation in Hawaii by Kimona Wanalaya
134. Relive Aunt Edna's Oriential Cooking by Chu Sum Pu
135. Making Jugs by Clay Potter
136. The Bartender's Manual by Phyllis Glass
137. How To Be a Butler by Ansel Theodore
138. Days in the Saddle by Rosie Redd Butts
Have more? Send them in.

Updated Apr 24, 2019