Never confuse motion with action -- Benjamin Franklin
When fortune knocks, open the door.
Before we set our hearts too much on anything, let us examine how happy are those who already possess it.
The eyes are the window to the soul.
A fault confessed is half redressed.
Know women, know pain, no women, no pain.
Beware the frumious Bandersnatch.
I used to be clueless about math, but I turned that around 360 degrees.
All men think all men mortal, but themselves.
It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded.
A friend to all is a friend to none.
A great many people mistake opinions for thoughts.
The shortest answer is doing.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming. -- English Proverb
Experience is the comb that nature gives us when we are bald.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them.
Nothing would be done at all if a man waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault with it.
The smallest deed is better than the greatest intention.
A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
The impossible is often the untried.
Life without a friend is death without a witness.
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.
Always love your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away, and barefoot.
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves -- Sir James M. Barrie
You may make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you start blaming someone else.
The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
In this life we get nothing save by effort.
Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders than the arguments of those that oppose it.
A wise man hears one word and understands two.
The course of true love never did run smooth. -- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream
There are no such things as strangers, only friends that we have not yet met
The sum of man's problems come from his inability to be alone in a silent room.
The Earth has music for those who listen.
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep, not yelling and screaming, like all the passengers in his car.
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV. -- Homer Simpson
No problem is so big and complicated that it can't be run away from.
That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.
There are two tragedies in life: The first is not to get your heart's desire, the second is to get it.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.
Love they to live that honor and love have.
We do not so much need the help of our friends as the confidence of their help when in need.
Anything more than the truth would be too much.
The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self.
In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein
The more you know, the less you understand.
If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way. -- Mark Twain
This statement is false.
To let a fool kiss you is stupid, to let a kiss fool you is worse.
A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.
Little is the number that think with their own mind and feel with their own heart.
Even a fool knows we can't reach the stars, but that doesn't stop the wise man from trying.
Man is the only creature who has the ability to blush, or the need. -- Mark Twain
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Do or do not, there is no try.
War doesn't decide who's right, only who's left.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all its students.
Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. -- Jack Handey
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
If superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
Every time I think the world is moving too fast, I go to the post office.
Duct tape is like the force, there is a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Everyone has a photographic memory, some don't have film.
All wiyht Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Reply to everything someone says with 'that's what YOU think'
You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give.
I know there's always something we have to go through that has some deeper meaning but right now I just can't say.
One ought to whimsically delete files every once in a while, just to show the computer who's boss.
I think, therefore I am, I think.
Leadership is getting someone to do what they don't want to do to achieve what they want to achieve.
Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and act.
When I hear somebody sigh, life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, compared to what? -- Sydney Harris
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. -- Jack Handey
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. -- Groucho Marx
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. -- Jack Handey
If dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, I hope they don't go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. -- Jack Handey
The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
Money is a good servant but a bad master.
Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thoughts.
There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. -- Charles Dickens
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did; I ought to know because I have done it a thousand times. -- Mark Twain
There was never a good war or a bad peace.
Hard work never killed anybody but why take the chance?
I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
The trouble with getting a life is making the payments.
Live out of your imagination, not your history.
Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Humanity has only scratched the surface of its real potential.
Go often to the house of thy friend, for weeds choke the unused path.
It often shows an excellent command of language to say nothing.
People are where they are because that's exactly where they really want to be whether they'll admit that or not.
We can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.
Your world is a living expression of how you are using and have used your mind.
All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination.
Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.
Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality.
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
The only thing that we know is that we know nothing and that is the highest flight of human wisdom.
The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.
If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.
Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have.
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.
A turtle makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
It is amazing how much people can get done if they do not worry about who gets the credit.
People will never know how long it takes you to do something. They will only know how well it is done.
How far would Moses have gone if he had taken a poll in Egypt?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I've never made a mistake. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child.
You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.
Quit now, you'll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there.
Whenever you fall, pick something up.
If it is to be, it is up to me.
What I do today is important because I am paying a day of my life for it.
There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that's your own self. -- Aldous Huxley
Experience is the gathering of the complexity of knowledge, wisdom is the simplification of it.
Fear is just another four-letter word.
Ignorance is bliss. -- Thomas Gray
When one burns books, one will, in the end, burn people.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
Wherever you go, there you are. -- Buckaroo Banzai
People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.
The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
When you die and go to heaven every dog you ever owned will run up to greet you.
I once believed in reincarnation, but that was in another life.
Tis better to be a witty fool than a foolish twit.
Things should be made as simply as possible but not any simpler.
Even when you fall, you're still moving forward.
If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how unlikely, must be the truth.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow isn't looking good either.
Last night I laid in bed looking up at the stars and thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
There are two rules for ultimate success in life: 1) Never tell everything you know.
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved with a suitable application of explosives.
Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you first tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it.
I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
I don't get even, I get odder.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.
Dijon vu, the same mustard as before.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
A day without sunshine is like night.
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
Before you run in double harness, look well to the other horse.
It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.
Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
Bumper sticker: My child beat up your Honor Student.
I'm a syntactical leper. I'm dropping syntax everywhere.
SnapMagic Software Inc, Making the World Snap-Happy.
There are two theories to arguing with a woman -- neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop digging
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
I figure if I care, I'm just gonna get an ulcer, so why care?
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
My Reality Check bounced.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
I often regret that I have spoken, rarely that I have been silent.
When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
Rather than focusing on things and time, focus on preserving and enhancing relationships and on accomplishing results.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're okay, you're it.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Boycott shampoo, demand the REAL poo!
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Nothing can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them. -- Albert Einstein
Anytime you think the problem is out there, that very thought is the problem.
Energy and persistence conquer all things.
Character is much easier kept than recovered.
So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?
Dead men tell no tales.
Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
If a man says something and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?
If you look like your passport photo you are probably too ill to travel.
Si quieres tener dinero, quedate soltero. (Translation: If you want to have money, remain single.)
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
Some people say football is a matter of life and death. It's MUCH more important than that. -- Bill Shankly
If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would flunk it. -- Stanley Garn
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If anything can go wrong, it will and at the worst possible moment.
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do.
Do not count time, make time count.
Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Waste not want not.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
Yeah, there are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you don't have any.
I'm not really for apathy, but I'm not against it either...
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
Ever notice that the word "therapist" breaks down into "the rapist"?
Girls are better looking in snowstorms.
It's amazing how many people you could be friends with if only they'd make the first approach.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H.H. Munro
I have never had a bad day when I didn't choose to.
It is perspective that determines the veracity of the circumstance not the circumstance itself.
Sometimes you have to stop and smell the flowers.
Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.
No man knows his true character until he has run out of gas, purchased something on the installment plan, and raised an adolescent. -- Marcelene Cox
Formal education will make you a living, self education will make you a fortune. - Jim Rohn
There is no virtue so great as to be safe from temptation...
Money is the root of all wealth.
Good thing my house is on the way home.
Did you hear about the self help group for compulsive talkers? It's called On & On Anon.
I came, I saw, I had no idea what the heck was going on, I left.
Aviation Rule #1: Number of takeoffs must equal number of landings.
According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never dies.
If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Being a husband is like any other job. It helps a lot if you like the boss.
A recent government study has finally concluded that pressing the elevator button in rapid succession does NOT cause the elevator to arrive any more quickly than simply waiting until it finally arrives.
Seen on a bumper sticker: "Driver carries no cash; he is married."
Snowflakes are some of nature's most fragile things but look what happens when they stick together.
Some minds are like concrete; all mixed up and permanently set.
If you think this is a free country, try to park your car in a big city.
A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: One women, two fractions.
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
Think positive. If you fall in the creek, check your pockets for fish.
It isn't easy to keep your mouth and your mind open at the same time.
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. -- Oscar Wilde
Families are like fudge, mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Fortunate is he for whom the belle toils.
So, is the glass half empty, half full, or just twice as large as it needs to be?
The Law of E-Mail: The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to hit send.
If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
A clean desk is the sign of a cluttered drawer.
Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
A good pun is it's own reword.
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
Support your right to bare arms, wear short sleeves.
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. -- Sir Walter Scott
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. -- Franklin P. Jones
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no but I have the new Beatles album. Cops have no sense of humor.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway. -- Andrew S. Tannenbaum
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. [Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.]
Call on God, but row away from the rocks. -- Indian proverb
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. -- Brendan Francis
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
There are three things I have always loved and never understood -- art, music, and women.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
Women can keep a secret as well as men, it just takes a few more of them to do it.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. -- Mark Twain
Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is not worth sending.
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. -- Mark Twain
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. -- Mark Twain
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
Only dead fish flow with the stream.
When in doubt, mumble.
Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis. It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.
Behold the warranty, the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
Any excuse will serve a tyrant. -- Aesop
Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself.
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. -- Albert Einstein
Women are always anxious to urge bachelors to matrimony; is it from charity, or revenge? -- Gustave Vapereau
Winners never quit, quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots!
Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
Well done is better than well said.
I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. -- Roy Croft
love, n.: When you like to think of someone on days that begin with a morning.
A man usually falls in love with a woman who asks the kinds of questions he is able to answer. -- Ronald Colman
1 1 was a racehorse, 2 2 was 1 2, and when 1 1 1 1, 2 2 1 1 2.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now.
There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet. -- Admiral William Halsey
Life is like a diaper -- short and loaded.
Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke
Marry in haste and everyone starts counting the months.
If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
Don't let your schooling interfere with your education.
I would rather say that a desire to drive fast sports cars is what sets man apart from the animals.
Alcohol and math don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.
Life is hard, but it's even harder when you're stupid.
What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing to compare it with.
I don't have a short attention span, I just.
Fat Liberation: A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Don't let your mind wander, it's too little to be let out all alone.
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
Deeds, not stones are the true monuments of the great. -- John L. Motley
For visions come not to polluted eyes. -- Mary Howitt
The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren and to do good is my religion. -- Thomas Paine
Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes. -- J.A. Froude
A good name, like good will, is got by many actions and lost by one. -- Lord Jeffery
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. -- Andre Gide
In case of an atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily cancelled.
I told you I was sick -- Grave stone of B.H. Roberts.
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. -- Yoda
Support your local Search and Rescue team - get lost.
The three fastest methods of communication are: 1) Telephone, 2) Television, 3) Tell-a-woman.
I hate animal testing. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. -- Groucho Marx
News flash - Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West German pole-vault champion.
Live Free or Live in Massachusetts.
Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs -- Henry Ford
Start the day with a smile. After that you can be your nasty old self again.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
Some people cause happiness wherever they go, others, whenever they go.
We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement. -- Libbie Fudim
A dull pencil is better than a sharp mind.
There's no place like ~
Be witty if you can, be pretty if you are, but be cheerful if it kills you.
The greater amount of truth is impulsively uttered; thus the greater amount is spoken, not written. -- Edgar Allen Poe
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. -- Carl Sandburg
He is a hard man who is only just, and a sad one who is only wise. -- Voltaire
The silence often of pure innocence Persuades when speaking fails. -- William Shakespeare
Simplicity doesn't mean to live in misery and poverty. You have what you need, and you don't want to have what you don't need. -- Charan Singh
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. -- Susan Ertz
A word in earnest is as good as a speech. -- Charles Dickens
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls. -- Matt Cartmill
One kind word can warm three winter months -- Japanese proverb
If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
Life's a binge and then you diet.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. -- Irish proverb
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. -- C.S. Lewis
If men do not keep on speaking terms with children, they cease to be men, and become merely machines for eating and for earning money. -- John Updike
Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. -- William Butler Yeats
Sight is a faculty, but seeing is an art.
Time is a great healer, unless you have a rash, in which case you're better off with ointment.
Time can heal all wounds, but it will also kill you. -- Dan Hersam
A treasure of memories is a very special happiness. -- Margaret Lindsey
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them. -- Evelyn Waugh
The men who learn endurance are they who call the whole world brother -- Charles Dickens
The educator must above all understand how to wait - to reckon all effects in the light of the future, not of the present. -- Ellen Kay
It is not the function of our government to keep the citizen from falling into error; it is the function of the citizen to keep the government from falling into error. -- Robert H. Jackson
The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy -- Meryl Streep
Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself. -- Elie Wiesel
The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on. -- Walter Lippmann
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. -- Judy Garland
One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters. -- English Proverb
Save trees. Eat more woodpeckers.
There is no such thing as "solution" if "problem" is nonexistent.
Removing the straw that broke the camel's back does not necessarily allow the camel to walk again.
The only difference in the game of love over the last few thousand years is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds. -- The Indianapolis Star
A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm turns off.
I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. -- Chuang-tzu
Brain off-line, please wait.
When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*". -- Linus Torvalds)
A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
Be sure to evaluate the bird-hand/bush ratio.
Push where it gives and scratch where it itches.
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. -- Benjamin Franklin
Love means nothing to a tennis player.
Confirmed bachelor: A man who goes through life without a hitch.
When you are in command, command. -- Nimitz
The only decent thing to do behind a person's back is to pat it.
Your friend will argue with you. -- Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Los secretos - ni oirlos ni decirlos. (Secrets, don't listen to them nor tell them.)
If we have not quiet in our minds, outward comfort will do no more for us than a golden slipper on a gouty foot. -- John Bunyan
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wisdom is divided into two parts: 1) having a great deal to say, and (2) not saying it.
It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen. -- Aristotle
Good timber does not grow with ease, the stronger the wind the stronger the trees. -- J. Williard Marriott
If the Earth is in a solar system, the solar system is in a galaxy, and the galaxy is in a universe; then what is the universe in?
If you see an onion ring, answer it.
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. -- Abraham Lincoln
To me, kung-fu is like a ballet, except that there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers all hit each other
Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation. -- Henry Ward Beecher
One thing which gives radiance to everything is the hope of something better around the corner.
People are like stained glass windows. Their beauty is revealed only if there is light from within. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
The most important words we'll ever utter are those words we say to ourselves, about ourselves, when we are by ourselves. -- Al Waker
An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger then the brain cell it occupied. -- Arnold Glasgow
What lies ahead of you is nothing compared to what lies within you.
I like being single, I'm always there when I need me. -- Art Leo
Foolproof Operation: No provision for adjustment.
Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants. -- Isaac Newton
If I knew then what I know now, I'd know more now.
Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. -- Cyril Connolly
Words are timeless. You should utter them or write them with a knowledge of their timelessness. -- Kahlil Gibran
No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. -- Henry Brooks Adams
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. -- Oscar Wilde
The secret to a long life is to try not to shorten it.
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. -- Forrest Gump
A diplomat is one who always remembers a woman's birthday, but never her age -- Robert Frost
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -- John Ciardi
There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage.
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. -- Russian Proverb
Beifeld's Principle: The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer male friend.
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed. -- Albert Einstein
You will never amount to much. -- Munich Schoolmaster, to Albert Einstein, age 10
Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated. -- R. Drabek
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. -- Aesop
Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- of somebody else.
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends. -- Benjamin Franklin
To our sweethearts and wives. May they never meet. -- 19th century toast
Choose in marriage only a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. -- Joubert
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. -- Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
There are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up a pen to write. -- William Makepeace Thackeray, novelist, 1811-1863
There was never a genius without a tincture of madness. -- Aristotle
The believer is happy; the doubter is wise. -- Hungarian proverb
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry. -- Spanish Proverb
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. -- Confucius
Found on a bathroom stall: Here I sit, broken hearted, paid my dime, but only farted.
One loss isn't a failure -- Lewis Harney
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary, and those that don't.
I got a new hearing aid. What kind is it? 10 past 4.
What a strange illusion it is to believe that beauty is goodness. -- Leo Tolstoy
The image of myself, in my own mind, is very different than the image I try to create in the minds of others in order that they might love me. -- W. H. Auden
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal: my strength lies solely in my tenacity. -- Louis Pasteur
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The happiness of most people we know is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors, but by the repetition of slowly destructive little things. -- Ernest Dimnet, French priest, lecturer and author
Girls are like phones. They like to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong button you get disconnected.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
To see a need and wait to be asked is to already refuse.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. -- George Bernard Shaw
The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart. -- Mencius
A poem begins with a lump in the throat. -- Robert Frost
In life, the more you refuse to accept anything but the best, the more likely you are to get it.
Tell a man that the universe is made of 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him that a bench has wet paint on it and he has to touch it.
Don't worry about spilling some paint while working on the big picture.
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
If we weren't meant to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it is fun trying.
Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Eagle has landed. -- Neil Armstrong
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
You have to make money first in order to make money last.
Meade's Maxim: Remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.
Don't let the past dictate who you are, let it dictate who you will become.
Did it ever occur to you that fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge
What I like most about myself is that I'm so understanding when I mess things up.
Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Give a man fire and he'll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for a lifetime.
I see said the blind man to his deaf dog.
Sometimes the answer to fear does not lie in trying to explain away the causes, sometimes the answer lies in courage. -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact,and the power to choose the kind of influence. -- Dustin Ault
I hereby solemnly swear and resolve, that I shall finish whatever I sta
You have to wonder who decided flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
Never confuse your right to do something with doing the right thing.
It is nice to be important, but more important to be nice.
The fact that nobody understands you doesn't make you an artist.
You don't know when you were middle-aged until you have died and divide by two.
The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. -- Winston Churchill
Think rich, look poor. -- Andy Warhol
You can't ever be really free if you admire somebody too much. -- Tove Jansson
Living is more a question of what one spends than what one makes. -- Marcel Duchamp
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. -- J. R. R. Tolkien
Not all who wander are lost. -- J. R. R. Tolkien
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him. -- J. R. R. Tolkien
Many that live deserve death. And some die that deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then be not too eager to deal out death in the name of justice, fearing for your own safety. Even the wise cannot see all ends. -- J. R. R. Tolkien
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -- Aristotle
Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the greatest American superstition was belief in facts. -- John Gunther
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. -- George Carlin
How much wind could a windbreaker break if a windbreaker could break wind?
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion. -- Abraham Lincoln
There are no new sins...the old ones just get more publicity.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
How fortunate is a person who does not respond to insults - a hundred evils will pass by him. -- Daf Yomi 7a
Success has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. Success is what you do for others. -- Danny Thomas
We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without illuminating our own. -- Ben Sweetland
Never look down on a man unless you are helping him up.
A ship in the harbor is safe but that is not what ships were built for. -- Donald Kendall, Chm. PepsiCo
Changing your mind is one of the best ways of finding out if you still have one.
It's never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Music is adrenaline printed in ink. -- Taylor Rodgers
Lies equal pain, truth equals pleasure.
The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your step as you walk the tightrope of life. -- William Arthur Ward
You have to learn to listen, and listen to learn.
If coffee is not ground up well enough, is it underground?
I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. -- Martha Washington
A noble soul embiggens the smallest man. -- Jeremiah Springfield
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius, and a lot of courage, to move in the opposite direction. -- Albert Einstein
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. -- Albert Einstein
Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it. -- Lou Holtz
Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter. -- Joseph Addison
Every noble work is at first impossible. -- Thomas Carlyle
No man is a failure who is enjoying life -- William Feather
There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. -- Christopher Morley
There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do. -- Bill Watterson
If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
The only way to live is to accept each minute as an unrepeatable miracle, which is exactly what it is: a miracle and unrepeatable. -- Margaret Storm Jameson
We are what we believe we are. -- C.S. Lewis
Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. -- Albert Einstein
It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. -- Albert Einstein
Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom. -- Albert Einstein
If you can't explain it to a 6-year-old, you don't understand it yourself. -- Albert Einstein
We have to do the best we can. This is our sacred human responsibility. -- Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein
Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. -- Aristotle
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit. -- Aristotle
Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way. You become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions. -- Aristotle
It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it. -- Miguel de Cervantes
Determine never to be idle. It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing. -- Thomas Jefferson
All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone. -- Blaise Pascal
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one -- Mark Twain
The difference between adversity and adventure is attitude -- Unknown
We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do. -- Ethel Barrett
Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without. -- Unknown
People who don't take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year. People who do take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year. -- Peter Drucker
Better the devil you know than the devil you don't -- Unknown
Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. -- A wise soul
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it. -- Upton Sinclair
Spend less time fantasizing about 'success' and way more time making really cool mistakes -- Merlin Mann
Do something wonderful, people may imitate it. -- Albert Schweitzer
Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. -- Albert Schweitzer
The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives. -- Albert Schweitzer
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. -- Albert Schweitzer
Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to say something. -- Unknown
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short. -- Blaise Pascal
Music has the power to make everything beautiful and everything beautiful has the power to make music. -- A girl in 7th grade
Great minds have purposes, others have dreams. -- Unknown
Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. -- Berthold Auerbach
Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. -- Howard Thurman
Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing. -- William Butler Yeats
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves, and reasonable people so full of doubts. -- Bertrand Russell
The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself. -- Rita Mae Brown
A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor. -- English Proverb
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. -- Emo Philips
We all walk around with all this knowledge that we don't share, for fear that everyone else already knows. -- Jim Butterfield
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -- Bernard Baruch
I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road. -- Stephen Hawking
Even Occam occasionally cut himself shaving. -- Unknown
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. -- Albert Einstein
Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. -- Ray Bradbury
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. -- Susan Ertz
The story you have to tell is the story you have to tell. -- Alex Eddington
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler -- Henry David Thoreau
Anything worth doing is worth doing right. -- Hunter S. Thompson
Make no small plans, for they have no power to stir the soul. -- Niccolo Machiavelli
A life spent making mistakes is more useful than a life spent doing nothing. -- George Bernard Shaw
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
If an egg is broken by outside force, life ends. If broken by inside force, life begins. Great things always begin from inside.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -- Mark Twain
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on. -- Robert Frost
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. -- William A. Ward
You can tell a clever person by the answers given; but you can tell a person is wise by the questions asked. -- Naguib Mahfouz
When an honest man discovers he is mistaken, he will either cease being mistaken or cease being honest. -- Anonymous
The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. -- Pablo Picasso
It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and occupation that give you happiness. -- Thomas Jefferson
All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up. -- Pablo Picasso
Every act of creation is first an act of destruction. -- Pablo Picasso
A child of 5 could understand this! Fetch me a child of 5.
Perfect is the enemy of good. -- Voltaire
We are obligated to the battle but not entitled to the fruits. -- Bhagavad Gita
If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin. -- Ivan Turgenev
The most important knowledge is that which guides the way you lead your life. -- Seneca
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. -- Calvin Coolidge
I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately it strikes every morning at nine o'clock sharp -- Somerset Maugham
Little strokes fell great oaks. -- Benjamin Franklin
Blind belief in authority is the greatest enemy of truth. -- Albert Einstein
No such thing as spare time, no such thing as free time, no such thing as down time. All you got is life time. Go. -- Henry Rollins
Always doing what you are told doesn't mean you'll succeed in life. -- Jiro Ono (from "Jiro Dreams of Sushi")
People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents. -- Andrew Carnegie
Inefficiency is the path to exercise. -- Dan Hersam
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
The secret to success is asking the right questions. -- Dan Hersam